***To recap, I gave my number to a hot guy from CVS. He texted me that afternoon, and I’d been super excited about our date, originally scheduled for today (Sunday). ***
We began texting so much that I couldn’t wait to see him and we decided to go on a date Friday instead. I was so excited that I dressed up in my cutest crop-top and pants that make me look slim with a modest heel (all black). I kept my hair big, curly and wild. I thought maybe I could convince him to go dancing.
He showed up in a band tee, jeans and tennis shoes. He was very attractive, but I knew within minutes that this would be our only date. Here were the deal-breakers:
- He doesn’t eat vegetables.
- He doesn’t drink (which may not have bothered me, but he was boring enough that I wanted to drink).
- He doesn’t work-out, he only diets. No carbs, no VEGETABLES and no junk food. I make time for the gym every day and I want my next partner to be motivating.
- He doesn’t dance.
- He doesn’t do karaoke.
- He doesn’t read.
- He doesn’t believe in college.
- He doesn’t mind working at CVS forever.
- He doesn’t believe in any type of afterlife or God or spirituality.
- He lives with his parents.
- He has NEVER had a girlfriend.
Number ten was the biggest red flag. It doesn’t really bother me that he’s a virgin, but as someone newly single I don’t want to lead on someone who might be super ready for a relationship. I don’t know how, but I was literally his first date. I discovered later, he used to be overweight and only recently lost the weight.
*To clarify, I am certainly dating with the intent of meeting the proverbial “right one,” but I want to go on several dates and meet many people before I decide who that person is. I’ve been in a relationship (the wrong one) for 8 years and I don’t want to make the same mistakes. *
Anyway, I decided to continue the date so he didn’t have a bad first date experience. We drove to my favorite sports bar, split a calamari (his choice) and I had two gin and tonics. He was actually really fun to talk to, especially once I had my first drink. He was very attractive so if I let go of all the “red flags,” and focused on his beautiful eyes, I just wanted to kiss him.
We stayed until nearly 1:30 in the morning and when we got back to his car, I let him kiss me goodnight. It was actually a good kiss. He put his hands on my face and when it was over he put his forehead on mine. He asked if I wanted to do this again and I couldn’t help but say, “Yes.” He was so sweet and I really, genuinely wanted him to be happy.
It was a great first date, but I can’t do this again. If I were younger and we had time to grow together, it’d be another story. I’m a mother and I need a man in my life. I’m already raising a beautiful young girl, I don’t have the time to help raise that beautiful young man. I’m working, I’m writing, I’m teaching, I’m loving and I’m not getting enough sleep. If I find someone, I want to find a rock. I need a man that knows his place in the world and respects my goals and dreams and pushes me to reach them.
So I’m going to call him and explain my position gently.
“I like you and if I were younger or didn’t have a daughter I would really want to try and make this work. I just don’t want to start a new relationship so soon and it’s not fair to you that I’d like to date a few people before deciding to settle down.”
Maybe this will make him feel less like it’s his fault and more like I need to explore first??
This was actually my first date as single mom. Nothing on my vacation counts because that was all in good fun, so to speak. For my first date, it was very nice. Dinner and kisses were a forgotten joy until then. Best-worst-date ever.