1. I went to the gym and rocked the treadmill even though I was not in the mood. I got on and told myself I’d just walk for 60 minutes if I have to, The music and the adrenaline got my spirits up and I found myself running. I so needed it.
2. My brother is on vacation with my baby this weekend and he called asking if he could take her to the waterpark without my mom. He’s 24 and I was extremely hesitant to say yes. I told him to watch her no matter what. Stay with my 3 year old and my 15 year old sister AT ALL TIMES! Kids get snatched all the time, I’ve read so many horror stories and while it’s not easy to decipher which are true, enough are to keep me worried. Apparently, he ditched my sister with my kid and did his own thing. I am so done with him. Maybe enough time will pass that I’m over it, but right now I am LIVID.
3. Before all of this, I spent my afternoon after the run poolside. It was incredible. I tanned and listened to music. I wrote and even changed a major plot line in my novel, but I’ll get to that.
4. I spent the rest of the evening catching the latest episode of GOT, having a veggie burger and a glass of wine in the bubble bath. I so needed time alone. No music to stifle my thoughts. Just me and my story in an empty, clean apartment.
5. I found out about the water park thing as I was writing this post. SOOO MAD!
6. I changed the plot AND ending to my novel. This sucks because I’ll have to scrap a majority of my written work and restructure a lot of what I’ve already written. I don’t care because my new concept has more meaning. It makes more sense and in the end the main character gets a happy ending that she’s worked her ass off for. It’s worth it.
Bonus: My date two nights ago sucked. It was pleasant enough, but at no point did I let my guard down or feel like myself. We talked (or he did) politics the entire time.
I’ve decided to stop dating for at least 3 months. Today was especially beautiful because there was no angst or pressure building up to some over-hyped date in the evening. When I know I’m going out, I spend the day anxious to know how it will all work out. Will we have fun? Is he going to be the new guy? Will I have sex?
I spent my day living in the moment. I went to the gym and took my time. I took my time on everything. For the record, I came by myself and that too was amazing. Right now, I just need to focus on my book and my baby girl. I need to work hard and I need to get comfortable being alone because Mr. Right might not be right around the corner.
While I don’t plan on pursuing anyone anymore, I’m not closing down the channels. If I meet someone shopping or at the bookstore than of course I’ll give it a shot, but I’m done trying. Short skirts and modest heels have thus far gotten me nowhere, ya know?
I should note that none of this applies to Mr. Robinson because…love. I fell for that guy 5 years ago and it stuck. If he never calls that’s fine, but if he does, I’ve got to see where it goes, because..LOVE. I don’t know him, the him that he is today, but the him I knew 5 years ago is everything I crave today. Ya never know, right? Also love. Right??